My ex and I broke up two months ago. We were dating for 2 years, we were going to break up 3 months earlier but I asked for more time to work things out between us. Three months later he dumps me. I didn't change for the better like I promised him.
For the next month and a half, I'd show up at his house and I asked before showing up at his house and he'd grant me access, to workout, work on my homework, help out with whatever he needed. Then he would come home and ask me to stay for dinner, or have a drink with him, or just hangout.
However by the end of the night he would be upset. He would be the exact opposite of how he was earlier that evening. He would be cranky, and moody. When he was moody he would tell me the following..
My friends say I have to make him chase after me.
He asked me to tell him why I deserved one more chance, so I emailed him a list and I told him why I was worth one more chance, did he think I was worth one more chance, he said that was a double sided question, and of course I'm worth one.
After reading the email he asked me why I would I want one more chance with a guy like him. He told me that he doesn't want to get back together with me right now, however I maybe have a chance down the road.
He says he's not used to the new me, and the fact that I changed so quickly now, and why I didn't change 8 months ago, I know I should've change 8 months ago, and I was wrong for not making the efforts.
He told me he's confused, and he doesn't deal well with change. He can't accept the fact I've changed so quickly. He's confused by it all.
He's hard on trusting people. Unfortunately he does not trust me at the moment. I wrote an email to his friend asking for help. He took as me going behind his back and backstabbing/conniving him.
He's also a little insecure, so if I wish him well on something he gets upset. Or if I offer answers instead of listening he gets upset. Basically he has a particular way of doing everything he does.
He told me that if I respected him, and knew what unconditional love is, that no matter how I feel, I would give him what he wants time and space. As hard as this is for me I'm respecting his wishes.
That I should not contact him at all. Not post anything on Facebook, or Twitter or anything. Cause him getting the info there will cease him from contacting me, because he'll know what's going on with me.
What should I do? Any advice in getting him back? Thank you!!
Last edited by tc5309; 03-11-2010 at 10:32 PM.
Your boyfriend appears to be a scumbag. Make him feel you are just fine with the breakup and hook up other guys and stay happy. Everbody wishes for what they can't have. At this moment he may assume he can get you whenever he wants, so just play hard to get without showing disinterest and he might change his mind anytime.
Seems like you really love him, but remember love has to be mutual. The way you have attempted to change for him, he should have also attempted to accept you the way you are. This mean he is still hibernating and a bit far from the road of love.
Also, from my own experience, men like to chase and not be chased themselves. The more you run after him the farther he may go. Thus, leave the chain open and let him go for the moment, give him the space he desires. I am sure sooner or later he will return. And this time when he comes he will know your worth and give you his entire world.
One of my highschool bestfriends had a boyfriend who made her change. She could never really be herself around him. All I could really tell her is that if she changed for him then he would never really be in love with HER, just his idea of what she was. I don't believe you should change for a guy. If he doesn't really love you for who you are he will never really love you.
tc5309, I doubt you visit this topic, but I'll try
Can you tell us how things went? What have you done and have you succeeded?
I understand totally how you feel about loving him. I am not willing to change because that would be lowering my standards. We all must have expectations and standards in everything you do. Having standards helps you reach where you are going and helps you to determine when you get there. The one thing is that when you love someone it is hard to feel they don't love you too. Men are ususally not emotional and they could be torn up on the inside but hard as a rock on the outside. I too love someone and I want to move on but because I still love my ex and feels he still loves me it has left me in a daze. I will just have to continue to PRAY!
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