When Good Advice is Badly Devised

Sure, family and friends do wish the best for you and are just trying to help, but sometimes, just sometimes, their advice fits their agenda better than yours. Here I'll tell you how to say thanks, but no thanks... ^_^

MOM

BAD ADVICE: “Don’t accept that job in the other city. It’s way too risky!”

Why she said it: Which mom would want to acknowledge happily that her daughter is physically moving away. It’s not just that she has trouble untying her apron strings, it’s also that she is worried about everything and anything from your morning milk and vitamins to dacoits, terrorist attacks and any conceivable bad thing that could happen to you. It’s just a mom thing.

Fending it off: Firstly do it over a period of talks. Tell her how much the job will help your career in the long run, and tell her how badly you want it. Assure her by citing examples (moms don’t get ‘the larger picture’) as to how you will take care of yourself under varied circumstances. Of course, don’t only promise to see her regularly but ask her to come and set you up for a month, if that will help her feel better.

BEST FRIEND IN WHOLE WORLD

Bad Advice: “Wait for atleast three days before you call that guy (read as ‘that man you have been salivating over, just got to know and actually have hope of something with’). He’ll think you are too keen!”

Why she said it: At one level, she is worried that you will come out looking too desperate, but at a subconscious level she is a wee bit jealous (who wouldn’t be?). Come on, you don’t need to doubt her friendship, it’s a very woman and human thing to do.

Fending it off: If you didn’t know this till now, well here’s a newsflash: Men are as afraid of rejection as they are of prostrate examination. They really don’t think anything (come on, they are men, for crying out loud!) and don’t stress about you taking matter into your hands. And if he’s scared of a little gusto then maybe he ain’t worth the call, huh?

DAD

Bad Advice: “Put your pension money/savings in the safest place possible.”

Why he said it: He’s seen it all – the ups, the downs, recession, inflation, wasted indulgences, the dotcom debacle and he’s just looking out for you (dad thing). He’s probably close to retirement and he’s focussing on saving up for golf tournaments and great malt evenings.

Fending him off: Unlike him, you’ve got decades to ride on the stock market ups and downs and slightly more risk-bearing investments. I am not suggesting that you blow it all up, but do take a few more risks atleast for a few more years before you stick to the safest investments. Your portfolio at this stage should be a mixed kitty of this, that and the other.

CIRCLE OF FRIENDS

Bad Advice: “He’s a complete idiot and a loser. Dump him!”

Why they said it: Well, you are partly to blame here sister. Bitching about your boyfriend comes way easier than regaling your friends with tales of how amazing he is. Again it’s normal to want to share our grief with near and dear ones. So what they get to hear is more of bad-boyfriend moments and thus, the advice.

Fending them off: First things first, assess the situation yourself. Go with your gut and figure out whether you want to be with him or not, irrespective of what town and country feels about him. Then make it a point to remind them, every once in a while of his wonderful qualities. If they are still not convinced, then they might be seeing something you are not and truth be told, if you are moaning about your fifth fight in the week, then maybe they are right.

YOUR MAN

Bad Advice: “Your boss is not paying you enough, put your foot down and demand a raise!”

Why he said it: Including themselves, men never think that anybody earns enough or what they deserve. Maybe he wants you to quit and hang around more, or like a typical man he is taught to be confrontational and his natural urge is to ask you to defend yourself.

How to fend it: Remind him that in your office environment, strong and sudden altercations will not be taken too well. If you want to discuss changes with your bosses, you will do it in your own sweet way and that at the end you’ll get the job done. It’s just about reminding them that as genders, we both have different mechanisms and reactions to the same situations. The end result will be the same.